Man Week @ the Rain: Brian Clayville

Welcome back to “Man Week” at the Rain!

I have invited nine of my favorite guys to guest blog for the next two weeks. The topic I gave each of the men to blog or vlog about was:

“The stripping process of God” or “Living unmasked”

Today’s guest is Brian Clayville. The first thing that I noticed in Brian was this amazingly tender heart and quiet strength. You may remember my other favorite Clayville Jenni from the Ladies week series I did a while back. Brian’s story with Jenni has brought tears to my eyes on numerous occasions because it is such an incredible representation of God’s transformative goodness in action.

Brian truly is a man of God and a gentle leader for his family and I am so honored that God has crossed our paths. Oh, and the two little ones hangin upside down? Brian and Jenni’s children Chance and Pax, the dynamic duo of cuteness!

Photo by Joshua R. White

Brian’s Blog: BrianClayville.com

Brian’s Twitter: @brianclayville

Revealing My Voice

This past 15 months have revealed more layers of protection/identity that I always knew were there but I had no idea how  much they were affecting my life.  Once my sweet wife revealed her secret to me, I gained a new set of eyes.  These new eyes allow me to more quickly see pain and suffering around me.  Who am I kidding, my new eyes revealed my weakness, brokenness and need of a healer.

My identity has traditionally been the “nice guy”.

I relied heavily on the “nice guy” mask.  I was a nice guy most of the time but really I was just suppressing my thoughts.   Not that I’m not a nice guy, just not maybe as nice as I appeared to the outside world.  Somewhere along the way I decided my voice was not important so I just kept it silent.

The problem was, I did have important things to say.  I needed to say things to help Jenni feel loved, needed, protected.  I needed to say things so Jenni could understand my needs.  I needed to say things to friends just because it was the right thing.

But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:16-17NASB

That last verse says “right thing” and I believe the “right thing” includes saying what needs to be said rather than staying quiet to keep the peace or look like the “nice guy”.

Last fall I was finally ready to engage in healing from my deepest hurt and truly begin to restore my marriage.

It took a major breakthrough in my relationship with God to all things to move forward.  He revealed to me that my voice was important and that I needed to be vulnerable and speak up.  I tried it a few times, the results were astounding.  Most of what I feared was completely overblown in my head.  Does this mean I will never get hurt from speaking what needs to be spoken?  By no means, but I can find peace from doing what I needed to do.

Through finding my voice, I have found new freedom and gained a closer walk with God, my wife and my friends.

This was all possible through God’s way of exposing my false identity.  This breakthrough was more possible because I experienced major pain.  The pain was temporary but the benefits of my new identity are long lasting.  I am continuing to learn daily that my identity is found in Christ and Christ alone.  I really don’t need every human being to like me, even though my natural identity really craves it.  I truly desire to have new growth or more mask peeling yet in so many cases I resist with all my might.  I must choose to face the fear, the pain and embrace the change.

To sum this up here are a couple of keys to having a positive outcome from this refining process.

• Seek dedicated time with God and give Him time to talk to you.
• Seek a community to lift you up in prayer keep accountable.

I truly believe without those two vital actions that my story would be very different today.  I thank God for the community that has surrounded me and Jenni this past year.