Posted by: JennyRain | May 10, 2010

The Hope of Newness: Tracee Persiko

Welcome to Week 2 of Guest Bloggers!

Hey, thanks for coming back. Week two of the series is chocked full of amazing ladies that you won’t want to miss starting today with Tracee. I met Tracee through Alece and have been so captivated by her depth of heart and care as I’ve watched their friendship and read Tracee’s blogs. When Tracee writes, repeatedly I feel like she is in my head! On more than one occasion, God has used her words to meet me right where I am, just when I need it. Her blog is an early morning stop for me and always encourages and gives me a great start to my day.

If you are reading this on Monday or Tuesday (10th or 11th), we are now in the rural African areas. First, pray for me people, you know me and bugs, squatty potties, and all things au natural. Please pray also for our team as we minister to local pastors here.

And, hereeeee’s Tracee!

Guest Blogger, Tracee Persiko

Tracee’s blog: www.traceepersiko.wordpress.com

Sunsets are the thing that can take my breath away in an instant. I can’t help but sit in awe of how the sky lights up in every direction. I love the way sunsets seem to sing praises to God throughout the vast sky. I lose my breath as the colors turn from piercing yellow to deep pink and purple. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of the full circle of red that slowly sinks below the horizon. Sometimes I stand up just to catch one more little glimpse of that half-dome of beauty.

I truly love everything about a sunset, but what most amazes me is that God has never made two alike. God paints a new brilliant sunset to take my breath away every single day. God is about making all things new. Every unique stroke in the perfect sunset sky reminds me that he cares deeply about making me new.

I need the hope of new in my life.

I need the promise of his words that “he makes all things new.” From what seems like a lifetime of residual pain and sorrow, my heart depends on a God who loves me into a restored heart.

I first experienced deep pain and sorrow when I was a junior in high school. One night at 11:30, my father announced that he was done being part of my family. He confessed of an ongoing two-year affair.

Unfortunately, this only confirmed what I’d suspected but never allowed myself to believe or fully think about. After about fifteen minutes of confession, he was gone.

His announcement shattered life as I knew it. Pain rushed my heart in a way I never knew possible. I felt more depth of emotion than I knew existed. For months all I could ask was, “what just happened?”

Where did God fit into all of this mess?

I had just given my life to Christ six months before. Now I was sitting in a place where words like forgiveness, peace, sorrow, wounds, sin, and redemption were real words to me. Six months prior to this night, I had just realized that I was in need of forgiveness, but my father? Where was the line of forgiveness?

Fast forward fifteen years later, I still find myself working through the pain of that night. Not that I am still stuck there, but that mile marker of pain left a wake of distrust and questions of self-worth.

When my family entered the label of “broken home” my life entered the identity of brokenness. In the past fifteen years I have struggled with self-sufficiency, a heart surviving on lock-down, a chronic distrust in relationships, a fear of abandonment, and a long journey of trying to find life on my own.

I can honestly say that in all of those things, God has been my only consistency.

God has proven his words that he “will never leave me nor forsake me.” He has always met me in the exact place of realized weakness and need of dependency on him. God has always shown himself in life and love unending.

I am learning, more than ever, that the invitation I heard fifteen years ago still stands today, “abide in me.” God invites me to remain in him. It is in him that all things are made new. Just like every new stroke of a sunset has its place, so does his healing of the wounds of my heart. God has always matched the depth of pain known in me with the depth of his love.

My prayer is that as my broken heart is continuously being made new, he will make life out of me. Life experienced within his abiding love, fear becomes trust, self-sufficiency becomes surrendered dependence, control becomes faith, and insecurity becomes confidence. I exhale in his promised words of “making all things new” in me.

Share

Advertisements

Responses

  1. for as long as i’ve known you, you’ve spoken of the faithfulness and consistency of God in your life. and for as long as i’ve known you, i’ve been drawn to that tenacity in your faith, that reckless trust that flies in the face of your experiences. you see Him in your pain as well as your joy, and you trust His character uniquely and strongly because of that.

    my breath catches in my throat at this phrase of yours — “my heart depends on a God who loves me into a restored heart.” i just keep thinking about the fact that He loves me into restoration — He doesn’t guilt me into it. He doesn’t condemn me, punish me, lecture me. He doesn’t roll His eyes or walk away in silence. He loves my heart back to Him, back to wholeness. and that is why i can trust Him. that is why i can trust that as He’s “making all things new” in me and for me, it really is with my best in mind. even when it doesn’t look like it or feel like it.

    your friendship—just you—has challenged me to trust Him more, helped me understand His love in a greater way, and brought healing restoration to my heart. i’m so grateful you’re a part of the “new thing” He’s doing in my life. i love you!

    • Thank you for you friend. I have loved our friendship. You have shown me more of his character as well. Thank you for being a part of his new in me. I have loved watching God love on you and through you. He has definitely been loving you into restoration.

      i love you

  2. “I can honestly say that in all of those things, God has been my only consistency.”

    Thank you for the reminder of God ALWAYS being there. In pain and joy. Good times and bad. Always!

    Your heart is amazing girl. Thank you for sharing it.

    • Thank you Randi!

      I always appreciate your encouragement. Thank you for all your prayers and great thoughts!!

  3. ” He has always met me in the exact place of realized weakness and need of dependency on him”

    This sentence tugged at my heart this morning… ALOT.

    I need to chew on it as the sun comes up over the beach.

    • Sun rising over the beach! That sounds so good this morning!

      Would love to know what your hearts tug turns into today. Thank you for the sun rise glimpse Heidi!

  4. To continue the trend of highlighting favorite quotes…

    ‘God has always matched the depth of pain known in me with the depth of his love.’

    I’ve never thought about it like that before. I always turn to distrust, blaming Him, or being full of guilt. But His love for me goes as deep, if not deeper, than my pain. It’s not like God fills up the holes of pain in my heart with just enough love. No, He overflows those holes with His love so it spills out into other bruised areas as well.

    Thank you for sharing your heart and your story!

    • It’s definitely taking me time see, or even allow, God’s love to fill my holes. My holes seem too protected by me sometimes. Our self-sufficency, dangit!

  5. I’m completely blown away. Ummm wow.

    This paragraph right here:

    “God has proven his words that he “will never leave me nor forsake me.” He has always met me in the exact place of realized weakness and need of dependency on him. God has always shown himself in life and love unending.”

    Even though I haven’t struggled with pains you have I’m still even at this moment struggling with depending on Him. If only this Christian walk were simpler. Of course I’d much rather walk this narrow, rocky path than the halls of Hell.

    • Prudence! I hear you! Depending on him seems so hard. It a big area of weakness for me. I agree, rocky is good.

      Thank you for thoughts!

  6. Oh Tracee… I don’t think you’ve been reading my blog long enough to know it, but I’ve been facing this exact pain these past eighteen months. My heart’s a bit too full after reading this post to write much… but know that this touched a deep, tender part of my heart. I love your heart and am so thankful God allowed our paths to cross.

    • Ashleigh!

      I’m so sorry for your tender heart. That place is never easy and very exhausting. I hope you are feeling him meet you right in the depths. I will be praying for your heart. Thank you for sharing some of it. I appreciate that so much.

      I have very much enjoyed getting to know your heart more through your blog. You have a refreshing authenticate heart.

  7. i love that you use the sunset to describe how God makes all things new in us. how each sunset is new and fresh and happens everyday without fail. that is hopeful. there is so much in me that needs to be made new. there is pain, shame, fear, and countless sins that try to keep me the way i am. but just like the sunset- God takes a fresh can of mercy and paints new life in me everyday. his mercy is new every morning. this post made me smile and made my heart breathe a sigh of relief.

    just like the sunsets should take my breath away every single time-so does the thought that God makes all things new in me.

    • God takes a fresh can of mercy and paints new life in me everyday

      such a great line friend!!! i love that!! i love being a part of the process of new in both of us. Thank you for letting me be a part of the old and new things in you!

  8. Traced, you have such a beautiful way of making words into gorgeous pictures for my mind. And the image of Him, meeting me where I am, is so comforting and overwhelming at the same time. This great and amazing God comes to ME, to my level because He loves me enough to keep me in His sights even when I’m too tired to look for Him…

    How blessed am I. How blessed are we.

    • HI Gitz!

      Your joy is just that beam that lights up so many sunsets!! how blessed we are indeed. Right back at ya with the picture of God coming to me. When my gaze sinks low his gentle hand touches my cheek. sigh….

      (i’m all smiley knowing this comment came for Padma!)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: