Posted by: JennyRain | December 4, 2009

Online Dating: Is it ok for Christians (Final)

Today completes my series answering the question is Online Dating ok for followers of Christ.

(For more on this subject, see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3)

12.9.09 UPDATE: I highly recommend the blog “To Date or not” for some more personal online dating stories… it is awesome and the most hysterical commentary on online dating I have read thus far!

I wanted to wrap today up with some final practical advice and my personal story. I hope that this series has answered some questions that you may have, and I also pray that this series will be a good resource for other people in your life who may ask you if online dating is ok for Christians (You can email this to others by using the share button at the bottom of each post from this series).

Question 7: As a Christian, which online dating sites are the best?

Again, I cannot answer what will work best for you. I have had great experiences with E-Harmony and Christian Cafe both, however, I found that my hands-down favorite is Christian Mingle.

What I liked about E-Harmony is that it filtered some of the potential matches through twenty-nine compatibility factors so if I received a limited set of matches. What I did not like about E-Harmony is that the matches were so similar to me that they were almost too compatible with me!

On E-Harmony I found that I was repeatedly matched to someone exactly like me, so it was like dating myself, how boring is that!?!

No matter which site you choose, make sure that it matches one thing:

Your Christian Values.

If the site has a statement that requires you to affirm your belief in Jesus Christ, then the chances are very good that you will meet others who share your same values.

Let me simplify this… Why as a follower of Christ would you even consider using when so many other good Christian dating sites are available?

Question 8: Since online dating is not in the bible, does that mean it is not allowed, or does that mean I’m free to do it? I’m still really struggling with this!

I love how my church deals with this in our belief statements. Eternal Value #3 in our “What we Teach” booklet states:

 Where the Bible is clear, we will be emphatic. Where the Bible is silent, we must allow people freedom.

If the Bible said, “Thou shalt not online date,” or “Thou shall enjoy online dating,” as followers of Christ, our lives would be so simple! But it does not.

It is my belief that God does have a very specific and unalterable will for each of us as His children in the area of dating, whether it is online or not, so seeking God prior to any dating experience is imperative.

Though many disagree, I believe that God has a specific and individual will for who we date, who we marry, where we work, and He has a “best” plan for each of us that is unique to each of us. Pastor Lon Solomon of McLean Bible talks about that in his series the Life of Moses, the Leading of God, Part 1, and Part 2.

My story…

In mid-2007 after taking a two-year hiatus from dating, I found myself blissfully happy being single.

My life was organized, my emotions were unruffled, and everything was very carefully crafted. My days were predictable, I was meeting the goals I had set for myself, and I was unencumbered in pursuing the heart of God by another person’s presence in my life.

God had done a lot of healing in my life and I had finally learned to enjoy spending time with myself – after 37 years! I was content. I was confident. My family relationships were drastically improved so spending time with them was a joy. I finally felt free of the past relationship experiences that had wrecked my heart for so long and I wanted to enjoy my new-found health and freedom.

Life was good and I did not want anyone messing it up.

One day when I was prayer walking my neighborhood, asking God what I could pray for that morning, I very clearly heard the following:

“Pray for a spouse.”

To which I responded, “No. I will pray for anything else, for anyONE else. I will go to Africa, evangelize my neighbors, do whatever you want, but I will NOT pray for a spouse.” After all, God and I already had this discussion at the beach the previous May. I had laid down my desire for a spouse and God took it away and that was that!

Two circles around my neighborhood later, I was still telling God what I would not do (I also told God I would not enter seminary – 60 hours later I guess God got His way).

Suddenly my heart softened and I realized, “Wow. My heart is SO closed. If God brought a great man into my life right now, I may miss a wonderful gift because I would refuse to receive it. Am I truly claiming to be a follower of Christ with an attitude like this?”

The next two circles around my neighborhood I repented of my bad attitude and asked God to open my heart to receiving whoever it was that He wanted to bring into my life.

Shortly thereafter I began online dating. But this time, it was different. Because I had laid things in God’s hands, I was actually having fun. I was not searching because I knew God had a plan for me that was specific. I knew that He would bring someone in His time, in His way.

Well, we all know how the story ends. John and I met on Christian Mingle one year later, and today I am married to the man God has chosen for me.

I hope that our story has encouraged you and given you hope that God has a perfect plan for your dating and marriage life. Whether or not you come from a trainwreck of a relationship, or if you have never dated before, or if you have had years of a dry spell, I promise you – God has a plan. Your life is never too broken for God to write a beautiful love story. You are not too old. You are not too damaged. You are not beyond God’s amazing plan. I am living proof. And I can tell you… when God writes your love story it is SO worth it!




  1. Hey Jen, great series. you allowed yourself to be open and vulnerable. I think it’s interesting how God leads us down different paths. He healed you of much of your junk in the trunk before you got married. He healed much of mine after I got married. Even though I did many stupid, painful, and sinful things during my single life, he blessed me with a wonderful marriage. It was in the safe haven of Arlie’s love for me that I could understand how much God loved me and the strongholds that had a hold of me. I was able to lay them down and submit myself to God. I almost wrote submitted completely, but that would be wrong. As I grow in my relationship with God, he continually shines the light on areas that need some tending to. I am constantly amazed that the Creator of this universe is tenderly concerned with our deepest pain and scars, and our hopes and dreams. Thanks again and I miss your wisdom and your sweet face.

  2. […] my husband frequently reads my posts, periodically over the last couple of weeks I have wondered, “Is […]

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