Posted by: JennyRain | December 1, 2009

Online Dating: Is it ok for Christians?

Is online dating ok for followers of Christ?

This is a question I am asked all of the time because it is a generally known fact that John and I met on Christian Mingle so I am the supposed “expert” on online dating for Christians (LOL).

So, rather than continuing to repeat myself, I thought I’d just write about it!

Online dating is like any other dating avenue for Christians and it must be approached with wisdom. For some people, online dating works, and for others, it does not.

My general rules are: Be WISE. Be PRAYERFUL. Be CAREFUL.

I will discuss the more practical aspects of online dating in detail tomorrow so tune in to find out more!

Unfortunately, there is not one tried-and-true answer for whether Christians should or should not use online dating. There are not scriptures that we can point to specifically dealing with online dating. Because online dating is a relatively new invention (within the last decade), there are not many Pastor’s who have taught extensively on the subject.

This is what I have learned from my experiences with online dating and I hope what I have learned is helpful to you!

Question 1: Is online dating as “holy” as other forms of dating?

Ok, can I get real with y’all for a minute?

I believe that the underlying question is actually, “I really want to get married. I have this burning desire for a spouse. Unfortunately, I’ve tried all of the other Christian ‘vehicles’ for finding a mate, and none have worked. Will God disapprove of me wanting to use E-Harmony and is this intense desire to get married ok?”

I cannot answer what God is calling you to do, or not to do. This is a discussion you must have with God. I can tell you God loves you for YOU, not for BEHAVIOR. You can do all of the “right” behaviors, but if you do not share your heart with God, it is pointless.

What I can tell you is that your desire for love, worked out in communion with your heavenly Father, wrestled with and given to Your Father as a sacrificial gift is a beautiful act of submission and love to Him. I would encourage you not to let go of your desire for love and marriage, but rather to allow God into the struggle you are facing.

If you are seeking guidance on God’s will, I highly recommend this sermon by Pastor Lon Solomon of McLean Bible Church about God’s will entitled: The Leading of God.

For John and I, we were able to keep God in the center of the dating experience. We were very intentional about it. We prayed regularly and sought God consistently – especially in the early days of our courtship. God was not minimized through our experience because we consistently invited Him into the process.

Something that has ministered to me about this balance between love of God and love of other is from the Sound of Music when Maria confesses her love for Captain Von Trapp to Reverend Mother. Maria is struggling with her desire to love this man, and her desire to serve God with her life. The Reverend Mother answers,

“Maria, the love of a man and woman is holy too. My daughter, if you love this man, it doesn’t mean you love God less.”

Question 2: Ok, I’m going to try this online dating thing – do you think it will work for me?

The two most important things you MUST have solidified before trying to date as a follower of Christ (online or not), is to know WHO and WHOSE you are. The “How” is less important than the “Who.”

If you do not know your GOD, and if you do not know YOURSELF,  you will set yourself up for failure and unhappiness no matter what dating vehicle you use.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33.

Seek God FIRST. Before you seek His hand, seek His face, His heart, His ways… then things will progress accordingly.

John once told me, “God gives but He does not share.” I love that because it reminds me that we serve a God who is a jealous God, who has a purpose for giving us to another human for the bond of holy matrimony. He is not just giving us someone to hang with to make us happy, it is for a PURPOSE.

This is how I worked on knowing “who” and “Whose” I was:

  • I worked in partnership with God to heal the “junk in my trunk” and allowed Him to minister redemption in my broken places
  • I learned who I was IN Christ so I would not be defined by someone else
  • I learned how to love GOD so that I could learn how to love another person
  • I spent time with God so I could learn what I needed to pray for (and when I needed to start praying for) in a mate
  • and finally, I learned how to let God love ME so I could understand what it was to be truly loved by someone else

These were the foundational puzzle pieces that had to be in place prior to me having a positive online dating experience, but they were not the only part of my journey…Part 2 (tune in tomorrow!) will discuss some of the more practical steps that John and I took as we began the online dating adventure.



  1. […] Dating: Is it ok for Christians? (Part 2) This is a continuation of my post from yesterday answering the question, “As a follower of Christ, is it ok for me to use online […]

  2. Jenny – i had holy spirit chills when i read the previous post – what an incredible incredible divine story! I loved reading it! and love even more that you lived it! and what was advice in this post!

  3. Here is the post to Make on every one : This is a great blog, we are going to add it to out free online dating internet and college information blog so our visitors can read your news, as you are a reputable source. Thanks online dating

  4. […] more on this subject, see Part 1, Part 2, and Part […]

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