Posted by: JennyRain | October 27, 2009

Blindsighted by Love: Matured by Opposition

Sometimes opposition happens so fast, you don’t see it until it has arrived on your doorstep.

The last two weeks of blogging for me seems to have centered around the question of change, opposition, and purpose.

Today’s post looks at “Foresight and Favor in the midst of difficult circumstances”

In May of 2004 I was happily employed by a government contractor that I had worked for since 2002. My work was fulfilling, I had free reign over my time (to some degree) and I consistently received awards for my performance in my position. The managers loved my work, they were pleased with my success there, and there was a tremendous Divine favor upon everything I put my heart and hands to.

One day in the latter part of May, I strolled into work at 8:30, just like every other day. But, overnight everything had changed. The favor I had experienced throughout my tenure there seemed to have dissolved. I noticed that managers who the day before had smiled and interacted with me now eyed me with suspicion and distrust. Directors who had let me “do my thing” were now micro-managing my minutes to such an extent that I felt like I needed to document even bathroom time!

 

It was as if everything in my work life had done a 180 – in less than 24 hours!

The tension around my office was so palpable, I felt as if my mornings were spent navigating landmines, and my afternoons were spent digging out from the morass of CYA communication from mid-level managers I worked with. For the next month, my time at the office was so emotionally and physically oppressive, that headaches were the norm, weight-loss and anxiety became my working companions, and overtime was expected. 

I remember asking my boss one day, “Do I need to be worried about my job here?” and he resolutely answered, “Well, to some degree, we all do.” Gulp.

So blindsighted was I by this change that immediately I turned upon myself. There was no other explanation. It must just be me that the organization is unhappy with. My work must be slipping. I have failed their expectations and now they want to get rid of me. I questioned every task I worked on and covered myself at every turn.

I was such a wreck internally that I remained blind to the fact that the system around me was broken. Not me.

As I have found to be true time and time again, when God closes a door, He often opens opportunities for us elsewhere. A job I had been praying about for over four years opened up about the same time I was facing my struggles in DC. Individuals came out of the woodwork to facilitate my securing this position. I received a personal recommendation from the long-time assistant to one of the GA senators on the good word of a friend, though this man had never laid eyes on me.

Apparently the company had been listing this job for over two years – on and off – on their website but I had never seen it. Two years was the duration of my time at my current job. So about the time I had taken my current job in DC, the position I really wanted began searching for a candidate. Strange coincidence. 

Obviously I applied. 

However, I wrestled with whether or not to take this new job. This new job was in Georgia. Taking it would mean moving away from my friends and out of the place I loved and had been my home for the majority of my formative twenties and early thirties – Washington DC. I prayed, fasted, prayed some more, quieted my heart and searched my soul. Prayed. Finally I felt God speak into my circumstances and I will never forget the two things God shared with me:

  • Own the decision.  
  • Stand still and see the deliverance of the Lord

So I did both.

I owned the decision. “Let’s go to Georgia!” Then I sat back and watched God work. In less than three weeks, I had a new job (in Georgia), an apartment, was fully packed, and ready to move.

On the day I turned in my resignation at work, I remember my boss letting out a huge sigh of relief and saying “Oh thank God!”

I was befuddled, “Were you guys really that unhappy with my work?” I said.

My boss said, “No Jenny, not at all. Our company has been bought. The sale goes into effect this afternoon. Your position is being eliminated and we have no other project to put you on. As of tomorrow, you would have been unemployed.”

Wow. I had stood still and was watching God deliver me in that season.

To be protected and provided for in that way by God still humbles me. This season of peril that I did not think I would survive matured me professionally in a way that nothing else ever has. The season shattered my innocence and naivite to real corporate America, however, it put into place solid, measurable, successful practices that I carry with me today.

This season changed my life because it changed my character. It also revealed to me the character of God. God as good. God as provider. God as mighty over the storms in our lives and able to use what was intended for our harm – for a magnificent and glorious goodness.

More than having God’s favor within this specific job, I needed God’s favor upon the journey of my life. I just did not know that until I went through this battle.

There is nothing that could have prepared me for this season. There is nothing that could have given me foresight on what came at me. It was not my job to “prepare” or to “know” – it was simply my job to trust and rely, to reach out for help when and where I could, and to stay the course and let God deliver me in a way that only He could.  

lleaves

No longer will violence be heard in your land,
       nor ruin or destruction within your borders,
       but you will call your walls Salvation
       and your gates Praise.

  The sun will no more be your light by day,
       nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
       for the LORD will be your everlasting light,
       and your God will be your glory.

Isaiah 60.18-19

 

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Responses

  1. Wow! I will reread this! tHank you for sharing this powerful testimony of God’s faithfulness!

  2. Amen… Thanks for sharing Jenny. It seem just like yesterday; and the amazing part I was living right through all this and not knowing what was going on. While you was going throgh this storm you was the wind beneath my wings. Glory be to God. You were apart of the seed that God planted in my life to help me become the women that I am today and where I am at in my career today. I Love you Jenny!

  3. Tina – I know – it totally does feel like yesterday 🙂 YOU were such an encouragement to me too Tina and I am so very grateful for your influence in my life. Isn’t it awesome how God intersects our paths for reasons we may not understand at the time, but are so very grateful for later? Love ya girl!


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