Posted by: JennyRain | October 16, 2008

God of Grace: The Ministry of Song

This has been a rough week — one that I care not to repeat in the not-to-distant future. It has been a week that has tested my heart and Spirit in ways that have not been tried in a while. I feel trapped inside of a world that – to some degree – I have participated in creating. A world that has been created by my choices and though my choices were made – I believe – through the leadership of the Spirit, this place I find myself in, this battle, if you would call it, is not one that I feel strong enough to fight.

My mind had a head-start of my body this morning, so by the time I got out of bed, the questions and doubts had begun. How will my presentation go? Am I really prepared or am I just depending on God to show up and deliver? Will God show up? Am I healthy enough to go to school or will I contaminate everyone with this crazy virus? Did I really need to go to the ER Tuesday night or was it all just a big waste of money and time?

My checkbook is screaming at me over bills left unpaid because I am still making less than I owe – all because of choices I thought I was making to follow the dreams God has placed in my heart – dreams to follow Him closer into the sanctuary of His work.

The dogs are still barking at each other, at me, and biting my folks. Have I really made any progress with them or is it all just maintenance until the next fight? Miss Kitty still thinks the floor is her litter box, despite my best efforts at training. If my brood can not even behave, what kind of mother would I be?

Ministry is sporadic – it seems to happen to me instead of me looking for it and involving myself in it. Am I giving back anywhere?

Truly, truly I tell you Jenny, is there anything in your life you can look at right now and see a success indicator? I think not.

This morning as the cloud loomed once again, I began to hear the song of God’s Grace more clearly. In and amidst my struggle, I find some hope:

Almighty God you’re the joy of my heart,
And the boast of my tongue always
And in you I delight that you satisfy me
With your unfailing love always

So a hymn of praise I bring,
And with all my heart I sing

For you are worthy, for you are great
God of all mercy God of grace
Your love’s unending, your kindness untold
Great is your faithfulness oh Lord
We are in awe, beautiful Lord, we exalt you
God of all Grace

Almighty God, in the heavens you dwell
In a high and holy place
But you promised to fill the hearts of the broken
Who honestly seek your face

So we bow before you Lord
For its you that we adore

(God of Grace: Will Pavone featuring Stephanie Cuomo. From “The Heavens Declare”)

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