Posted by: JennyRain | November 21, 2006

AfterEve 3: Date.Com

What do I do with the relationships in my life that constantly seem to “lead me astray”?

Relationships have been the source of more angst for women than the coming of modernity. Why do some women sail through life, meet the man of their dreams and live happily ever after, while others of us struggle just to meet a man at all? And then when we finally do meet a guy, well…

I don’t want no scrubs, a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me, Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride, Trying to holler at me… yeah!

There are more should’s and should not’s in relationship-land for a follower of Christ than there are when we come to salvation. What we should and should not wear, what we should and should not talk about, who should be along on the first date, if we should date or “court”… how can we hope to keep it all straight?

Let me debunk some of the Christian myths out there:

1 – Unequally yoked means being connected in any form or fashion to an unbeliever. Unequally yoked means unequally yoked in a committed marriage. The Bible does not say “thou shalt not date an unbeliever” or “thou shalt not date a man who is not spiritually your equal” or “thou shall never befriend an unbelieving man lest ye shall become tempted and ensnared by him in the befriending process and lose thy head.” No, the Bible does not say those things. What it does tell you is “use wisdom.” And using wisdom (whether you are Christian or not) means asking some of the following questions:

  • Is he helping me grow into a better person? Am I myself around him or am I constantly trying to be someone else? Is he feeding my strengths or exacerbating my weaknesses?

Another important question to ask is this, if you are a follower of Christ, and he is not, why are you even considering this relationship to begin with? If you choose to go ahead with relationships that have spiritual challenges in them, are you willing to count the cost and pay the price? If the price is too high, you might consider another relationship. Or better yet, a “relationship time out.”

2 – Christian men are all good. Christian men are still human. They have un-healing, weakness, and issues just like we do. There is no “magic blue pill” that a man can take to make himself perfect. Just as we are flawed creatures with insecurities and deficiencies, so are the men in our lives. So if you are living with the grand delusion that if you could just find a man to date who loves Jesus then all will be well, think again.

3 – If I can just get him to love Jesus, everything will be perfect. Um, no. Unequivocally I can tell you this will not happen. Your spiritual growth did not occur overnight and neither will his.

4 – If I can just love him enough he will leave his problems behind. Not quite. If he has serious issues, and he leaves his problems behind “just for you,” he has simply replaced one addiction for another. Are you ready to be his new addiction? People can not love addictions, they can only serve them. If you are hoping he will leave his problems for you, then what are you really asking for? His worship?

5 – I will eventually meet Mr. Right and then I will not stray from Christ. We attract who we are, not who we are trying to become. If you are continually attracting Mr. Wrong, perhaps it is time to take a time out on relationships and examine the areas that still need healing inside of you. When we do not take responsibility for healing our brokenness, we become prey. Our brokenness, un-submitted to Jesus for healing, will pull us away from Truth, rather than draw us closer to it.

2 Tim 3:1-8 There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves… lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

6 – I can have this relationship and have Jesus too. There are some relationships that need to be cut off. When the relationship is causing you to lose sleep, worth, focus, self-esteem, body weight, motivation, confidence, friends, and family, it may be time to seek release from it. Some relationships can cost you everything, including your spiritual life. Are you willing to pay the price of a shipwrecked faith for an earthly relationship?

A Relationship Mulligan!

Let me reframe this for you… the Creator of heaven and earth sits ready to woo you, to love on you, to turn the world around just to show you that you are His bride, His beloved, His one and only. He has eyes only for you. You do not have to compete with His occupation, His hobbies, His other loves, because you are it for Him…

So what is the problem? Mr. Wrong… Creator of the Universe… Mr. Wrong…Creator of the Universe… is there really a competition here?

Song of Solomon 2:10 – 12 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come

All writing on this blog copyrighted by author 11.22.2006 (c)
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